Chocolatey Goodness

I now know eating a yummy chocolate doughnut twenty minutes before bed time is a very bad idea for me. I did my nightly routine of doing my stepper and lifting my 5 pound weights for as many repetitions as my sore arms could do which wasn't much. All that moving stuff around for the handyman painter wore me out and made muscles sore. Muscles I didn't know I had.  Then I saw it. Sitting on the table, one lonely big chocolate doughnut just sitting and if it could talk it would probably say something like come on and eat me you know I am delicious. And if it had eyes it would be winking. 

I repeatedly told myself that I didn't want that chocolatey goodness that I was now craving badly. I said in my head I didn't really need it but if I do a few more steps on the stepper and possibly trying to do some yoga from my yoga books that for the most part have been collecting dust then maybe that chocolatey awesome doughnut   wouldn't be a bad think. Then I said no just walk away. 

Since starting my journey I have had more chocolate then the law allows sometimes. Sometimes I even dream of chocolate fountain's. So, it didn't surprise me that 20 minutes before bedtime I was munching that tempting doughnut and wishing I had more. 

I can only assume that it was too much sugar too late and I couldn't go to sleep as much I tried and as much as I hoped the sand man would visit me before midnight it didn't happen. I silently cursed my chocolate doughnut, yes I blamed the chocolate doughnut. Although I knew better in my rational mind but I didn't feel like being rational with my sleep deprived mind. All I wanted was at least 5 good hours of sleep. Without waking up ten times sweat pouring from my face and neck. 

I finally got my visit from the sandman around 2 am and then he left me and I woke up hot and sweating 4 hours later. Oh well, such is life, or my life these days. I consider myself blessed for still having a life period. ( with no periods) :-) 

What A Week!

When my week began Monday I had not planned to move furniture from one room to the next and back and forth for 2 days. Nor did in plan to sweat like ten pigs doing it or waking up dripping with sweat before I got one foot out of bed. But that all happened and more.

On Wednesday I get a call and when I looked at the caller ID I was not looking forward to speaking with the caller. I listened to my landlord saying he was going to send the handyman who I have no clue to what he says because he had a thick accent and now has acquired a new habit of mumbling. The landlord was sending him to do two things, paint the kitchen and the front room and put down carpet in the hall and front room. I was not looking forward to doing more cleaning and moving furniture then I could possibly imagine in doing in 48 hours. Nor did I plan on being sleep deprived and grumpy for two days. 

I was told the handyman would paint on Thursday and carpet Friday.  All this would start at 8 am Thursday morning.  So, on Thursday morning after a restless night of night sweats and walking to the kitchen trying not to trip over things that were moved in almost total darkness my mom comes to my room at 6 am and asks when the handyman was coming. I mumbled 8am with half closed eyes. I pulled the covers over my head and hoped Mr. Sandman would come back. I had no such luck. I laid there for an hour. Covets on, covers off. I decided it was no use. I got out of bed and showered and got dressed. I left the TV hooked up to the cable box until he came. I didn't want to look at the 4 unpainted walls while I was waiting. It was going to be a long wait. Eight o'clock game and went and so did nine o'clock. I called the landlord and an hour later a knock on the door it was the dancing handyman. My brother and nephew took the TV in the other room and I disconnected all the cable wires. I then regretted I didn't have the foresight to put cable in my room. But, I thought bit would give me an opportunity to read this book I had wanted to read for a year. 

I sat on my bed and literally read two sentences before I was interrupted. My mom was having soap opera with drawls and wanted to watch a movie. I wanted to read. So my son put on a movie for her. So we munched on chips, soda, and occasionally water and watched the almost 3 hour movie. Two more hours later and two bags of chips later my mom as antsy. I was hot again and grumpy. I checked on his progress. He was on a break. 

One movie later and after we were all chipped and soda out it  was time for the handyman to pack up for the day. He said what time should he come back the next day. I said 9 am. And held up nine fingers for good measure. He nodded. He returned at 9:40. I as happy. Not bad. He brought his son with him to help and translate. I was more then happy. 

Eight hours and more junk food then I had ever  ever thought I would eat in eight hours he was done. I was over the moon happy. 
I was not happy about moving stuff back and forth and back again. Nor was I happy about the massive amount of junk I had consumed or the hot flashes or the stiff knees and sore arms.  But I as over joyed that I was not going to have to move anything until I move out of here for good. 

Looking Like A Drowned Rat!

I was thinking to myself earlier as I was scrambling to clean up some before the landlord "stopped" by that judging by how drenched in sweat I was I must have sweated off at least 5 pounds with these crazy hot flashes. I was ridiculously dripping with sweat, my hair looked like I has washed it dripping on the back of my neck and so did my face. Anything that resembled make up, the little I had decided to use today because I thought I looked a little pale, was sweated off quickly. 

I stood in my kitchen washing the last of the dinner dishes that my nephew had neglected to notice last night more sweat poured from my face and I was using luke warm water. Wiping off the fridge and the stove only heated me up more. I looked like a drowned rat. My son looked at me like I had the cooties and couldn't understand why I was sweating like I had ran a marathon doing dishes. I couldn't explain it either so I didn't try today. Instead I told him to vacuum the front room.  

So, my always early or late landlord comes 35 minutes early and bangs on the door like I am hard of hearing too. I didn't have time to change my shirt or wash my face so I just opened the door in all my glory of looking like I just lost a wet tee shirt contest. Thank goodness I had on navy blue so nothing showed that I didn't want or need to show anyone.
He looked perplexed for a second and asked if he could see the kitchen. I sort of knew this day would come when he would show up needing a tour of the apartment when he dog out a portion of the lawn to put his annual for sale outside. I guess he thought the magic fairies changed the kitchen from 3 months ago when he last saw it. So, he briefly looks around and said he needed to replace a loose cabinet door and would send his handyman whom has a heavy accent that is totally not understandable to me. I said fine and he left.

Finally, I thought a chance to change, wash my face and sip some cold water or something cold and wet. I barely got my face washed and my shirt changed and hair tied back and rung out literally before the next hot flash and visitor. 

It was the handyman. He fixed the cabinets and called the landlord informing him he was here. I sipped more water and prayed this flash would pass in record time cause this drowned rat look was getting old. 

After the worst hot flash ever I am not looking forward to tomorrow when Mr. Handyman comes back to paint. I sort of
Knew that was coming too since this place was not painted before we moved in 6 years ago, 6 long years, and 4 too many. I am hoping for NOT a repeat of today especially since I now have to shift everything around in two rooms. 

Stay tuned....as they say in the movies.

Craving

Lately I have been having cravings for peanut butter and corn chips. Two of my friends said they have too. I call them meno cravings. So, needless to say last week while doing the weekly shopping at the grocery store I was craving something sweet with peanut butter. I made a mental note to go down the aisle I try to avoid' the candy aisle. But, I was thinking a resses  peanut butter cup. Something along those lines. 
So, while in the dairy aisle looking for the butter that was on sale there was something that caught my eye near the eggs. Before I could see the whole box my son picked it up and came back to the cart and me a few steps away. My eyes got bigger then his and I knew for once I wouldn't tell him to put it back and him giving me the evil eye because he had to. 

It was a yellow box, golden yellow filled with something peanut buttery. Little Debbie's peanut butter nutty bars. I was happy he found them. He was surprised I was happy at one of his food discoveries. 

A little while later we were home with two golden boxes. OK, they were on sale and I was on full craving mode. I opened that box as soon as I found it in one of our red reusable bags. They were delicious. I think this is going to be my new favorite peanut butter snack. And of course my non peanut butter snack, corn chips. I have  already added these to my shopping list for this week. 

Missed

The other day I got a text from my friend. Honestly, I never though I would be texting more then actually talking non the phone like back in what my son calls the ancient days. I remember the time when there was only one landline phone in the house and everyone shared that one phone. In my teenage years I had to be off the phone for the night and only could speak for 30 minutes at a time. 

So, anyway, I got the text that said "I miss you." I smiled when I read it. It did make me think about the old days when there was no texting and they would have had to call me on the landline to say hello. I kind of miss those days. 

I don't miss my mom yelling at me to the top of lungs at 9:55 I had 5 minutes to get off the phone and always the person I was talking to heard and we both were embarrassed. Those were the days.

 Today, I keep a glass of something cold by my side almost always, something to fan myself with or a fan and a light jacket to put on if I get cold in my short sleeves shirt or tank tops which have become a permanent and necessary part of my wardrobe. 

Through all of this it was nice to be missed. So, I sipped the cold Pepsi in my glass and turned on my little fan. I then picked my phone back up and replied to the text. 

Yes, it is REALLY nice to be missed . 

Lullaby

I woke up 4 times last night or I should say early morning and night too. Sometimes it is like that. Between the nights sweats and insomnia I am lucky I get any sleep at all. I was up and down, covers on covers off, fan on, fan off for the majority of the late night and early morning. I was glad that I didn't have to wake up early because if I did I would never had made it out of the bed. 

When I finally woke up for the last time I heard something that I rarely hear coming from outside of my window. I heard the usual chatter of the crows that have taken a liking to the tree across from my window and every morning I enjoy the sounds of their chatter back and forth. These crows, two of them seem as if they are talking to each other and I try to imagine what they could be talking about that early in the morning. Yep, I am weird like that. That noise I am used too and sometimes it lulls me back to sleep if it is really early. But, this morning I heard something else that was not as loud but more soothing to my wide awake ears. I heard someone outside of my window, most likely in the parking lot or near the back door of my neighbors which leads to the parking lot. For the first time in years I heard someone singing a lullaby. The singer had a low sweet voice. The singer sung in Spanish and I couldn't understand a single word of it but it  sounded sweet and nice and the baby she was singing too apparently was enjoying it.

I was tempted to walk over and open the window, not only to hear or see better which was a thought but also because it was like a little hot box in my room. I have some curtains that made a claim in the advertisement to keep the cool in when it was hot and the heat in when it was cold. Well, it never has worked for me in the 5 years that I have had these curtains hanging up.  But, I just laid back in bed, fluffed the pillows and found the cool side and  listened. Just listened to the sweet soothing sounds of my neighbor singing to her baby. 

I almost went back to sleep myself. But, then another hot flash came and I knew that sleep was done for the morning. Time to get up and time to start the day. Starting the day with a sweet lullaby. I can't think of a better way.

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way To The Store...

The other day I needed to go to the corner store. I was having a major craving for corn chips. Yeah, I know not exactly health food but I couldn't help it. I just wanted some corn chips and although I have been trying to watch what I eat it was just one of those days. I did consult my friend I went to high school with who is what I call a health nut, in the nicest way, she is very sweet and very health conscience and has lost a lot of weight in a couple of years by eating right and exercising and she is the one who motivated me to get in better shape. So, I sent her a message and told her about my major craving for corn chips and she laughed and said that sometimes it is ok to give in to cravings. So, I was a happy camper. I did a few more stepping on the stepper to ease my guilt a little that night. 

I get to the corner store and was disappointed that they were out of my favorite brand of corn chips. They had chili cheese corn chips. Not what a wanted but it would have to do for the time being.   I grabbed 3 of the little bags, they were 3 for a dollar and I was thinking to myself I can get these snack size bags in bulk at the regular store but unfortunately I had no way to get to a bigger store that day. My son got a bag of  onion chips and off we were chips in hand and cravings under control.

Walking back home only takes a matter of about 7-8 minutes depending on how fast you walk. That day I was in no hurry. So, we passed a neighbor that had just picked some plumbs from his tree and he offered us some. I didn't feel bad about the chips now, I had plumbs, that were a fruit and fruit was good for you. My son ate one on the way home.  We were walking and I was talking and he was eating and then a car horn blew. I thought ok they are blowing in front of someone's house waiting for them to come out as usual in this neighborhood. So, I paid little attention to the horn or the car behind us. Then the horn blew a second time. I was thinking okay, that person needs to hurry up and come of the house because this person is impatient. We kept walking, talking and eating. Then the car came up on the side of us and I turned my head in the direction of the car. I was just going to briefly glance to see who it was. I didn't recognize the person driving  so I turned my head again facing forward. Then the person in the car said something. He was a young man about in his 20's no more then 30. He slowed the car down to almost the speed we were walking it seemed like and he said, "Hey, miss." I turned my head in his direction and thinking he needed directions or something. So, when I turned my head he continued and said, " Hey, Miss, you are looking good today. " Before I could respond with any words he drove off smiling. I was smiling too. I was smiling because it has been long time since anyone under the age of 40 has paid any attention to me except when I was in line at the store and they were ringing me up and had to be nice. I was also smiling because it had been a while since a young man gave me a compliment like that one. And I was smiling because for a brief moment I knew I had made the right decision in picking out the jeans I had on that made my butt look good. I need about ten more pairs of those.

Hottie

Until recently I hadn't had bad night sweats and I was counting my blessings for that. I had heard stories about my friends waking up several times per night covered in sweat. I had nights sweats occasionally, the bad kind every so often. Until this week and last week. 

Last night I felt my body getting hot. I am used to that. But not used to the heat I was feeling. For the first time I felt sweat dripping down my face. My face and neck felt like they were on fire. I grabbed a towel and wiped off my face, neck and hands. I laid there fanning myself and chugging down a glass of ice water. 

After what seemed like forever I was cool again. I didn't cover myself up again with the blanket for fear I would get hotter the hit again. I just laid there thinking. I was thinking about the question I had been on  everyone's Facebook page lately. If you could give advice to your younger self what would it be? I pondered that question in my mind as I drifted back to sleep. My answer was I haven't got a clue. 

Grocery Cool :-)

Yesterday I took my weekly trip to the grocery store. If I didn't have hot flashes before I got there the prices would have taken me there soon and possibly me hyperventilating. I started at the far end of the store and thankfully  the freezers with the frozen stuff was on that end. Yes, I silently cheered to myself. I headed straight for the frozen corn. The coolness of cold air felt like as good as a cool summer breeze on a hot day. I could have just stood there all day. But, an older couple needed corn too and I was clearly in the way. I moved all the way across the aisle to ice cream. I also was getting ice cream for my mom. She wanted Napoleon ice cream. That gave me another chance to breath in a another cool blast of cold freezer air and since I didn't know exactly where it was among the gallons of cartons stacked on the freezer shelves. 

My sons 9 year old eyes spotted it in 5 seconds flat. Or about that. So, moving on we did. Eggs, milk, and juice the nice and cool aisles I call them. My son dressed in shorts on the other had told me can we hurry up out of the freezing aisles.

So, thirty minutes later I made a u turn in the store before check out back to the freezer aisles on the pretenses I had forgotten something. I needed just a couple more minutes of cool bliss. 

It almost made me forget the price of cheese and everything else that had went up since last week. Now, I am beginning to think of going to the grocery store in a whole new way. A cool way !

Feeling Good From My Head To My Shoes!

For the past week or so hot flashes have been kind to me. I don't know why they have decided to be kind. Not that they have left me all together they just haven't made as many appearances lately. Perhaps because I am doing more ex cerise. Nothing major like enrolling in a gym or hiring a personal  trainer, neither of which is affordable when you are on a tighter then tight budget, the kind of budget where you are trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents. 

So, someone was nice enough to gift to me as a birthday gift a air stepper like the one I saw on an info commercial. I had admired the fitness of the woman who was selling it on TV. She was toned and tanned and a flat stomach which I aspire to have again, and muscles in her arms and legs which I have never in my life had. She announced she was 53. I was awe struck, mouth open and everything. I commented to my mom who actually bout the commercial on that I wish I looked that good. She really didn't say too much. We watched as she talked and stepped and the total rose on the screen higher as more people brought it and we listened to testimonials by people who bought them and list weight by using it and of course eating better too.

I knew there was no way on Gods green earth I could afford 99.99 price tag. So after a while the channel was changed to a movie.

A few days later, a few days before my birthday a knock on the door and a package was left on the porch. My son brought it inside under my watchful eye and laid it on the living room floor. We both looked at each other kind of confused. Anxiously we opened the box together and what do you know? There was the air stepper like the one on TV sitting on my living room floor. All the enclosed card said was GIFT for you. Happy Birthday. 

I have my suspision that my mom got it for me but she never said a word. Little by little I have been stepping up and feeling good. I have a long, long way to go I may never look as good as I think the 53 year old woman seller on TV  but that's okay. I am on my way to feeling and looking good from my head to my shoes!