The good, bad, ugly, unexpected...

This week I feel like the walking dead. I haven't slept well at all this week and it didn't help any that my son decided to become a summer night owl. When I do doze off for what feels like a catnap and wake up due to night sweats or a feeling that my son is not in his bed where he's supposed to be it makes days a whole lot longer. 

But that hasn't been the only thing keeping me up, as if it weren't enough. I have been on another journey. This is another part of lifes journeys a part that everyone has to do at least once. I have been trying to find a place to move to. That journey gives me the sweats just thinking about it. Last month a for sale sign occupied the lawn on the side of the building for about a month. I have been trying to move for months but in my college city which I assume most landlords think students must be the richest people on the planet judging by what they are asking for rents and deposits this is by far no easy move to make. I never thought in my middle age I would be sweating in this apartment in this neighborhood. Yet, here I am.

So, there's the night sweats, the hormones, the hot flashes, the headaches and my piece of mind that has gone fishing, I now get bad news which comes in white and manilla envelopes in the mail almost daily.  I cringe when the mail comes. A management change for this place has me doing a tail spin and I have no control over it. Much like I feel I have no control over my aging body now. 

Well, through sweat and tears I am on this journey for a while. All of it, the good, bad, ugly, and unexpected. 

Cool Shirts

I can't remember the last time I wore a long sleeve shirt. Although I really never really cared for sleeves it has been a very long time since I wore one. When the hot flashes started I really put any long sleeved shirts in retirement. 

So, today my mom hands me one of her many catalogs that seem to arrive in the mail box daily. I took it flipped through it and my mom said oh there are some nice blouses and shirts in there hinting in s not so subtle way that I should perhaps more shirts other then my sleeveless regulars I wear daily. Maybe she's tired of looking at me wearing the same type of shirts or maybe she's tired of looking at my chubby arms whatever the case may be she folded over certain pages for me to look at. Ten pages total all long sleeves. 

I tried to explain to her that 99% of the time my body temperature is hot due to menopause.  She just sort of smiled and asked did I see the purple blouse on page 13. I know she heard me tell her about menopause but I guess her generation never really talked about it and she wasn't about to start now. 

I told her maybe after the summer I would take another look when it the weather got cooler. Who knows maybe I will be cooler too. 

Kool

It's funny in a way how some night's I am fine. No drenching night sweats or anything. Just a couple hot flashes and the rest of the night is a piece of cake. I have had what I call a almost normal week of no drenching night sweats and I was feeling pretty good. I slept well and no urges for ten afternoon naps.  I was almost feeling ten years younger, OK maybe 2 but still. 

Then it happened. I knew it would. The drenching night sweats game back.  I woke up and my hair looked and felt like I just got of the shower and washed it. I wiped my hair, fave and neck with a towel and for a brief moment thought about getting out the hair dryer putting it on a low setting and drying my hair. But I knew the noise of the dryer would wake everyone else up or at least one person would wake up and look at me like I had lost my mind drying my hair at 2am so I tip toed to the kitchen instead and got a glass of cherry kool aid. I did turn the TV on low and found a show I had never seen before. This show was before my time. And there aren't too many shows I can say that about. It was called The Bachelor Father. It was pretty good. So, after episodes of that show and two more episodes of Bewitched, a show not before my time, I felt drowsy and figured that my date , the sandman finally showed up. 

A few hours later I woke up not drenched in sweat again almost cool, or what has become the normal cool for me and ready to start my day, cherry kool aid in hand.

Late Night TV

I think I slept all of two minutes last night in spite of going to bed early.  I woke up sweating like I had run two marathons and a decathlon. So, after my usual couple of trips to the kitchen in search of something cold to drink I was thinking I needed a fridge in my room to save me time. So, after drinking my unusually tall glass or ice water, usually a short mug does the trick, I sank back into my bed, fluffed the pillows and turning them over to the cool side I turned on the TV. I was glad that my son decided to put it there a couple weeks ago in spite of my objections that it would just take up more of what little space I had in the bedroom. Last night I was glaf for this one time he didn't listen.

So, since I don't have cable in there just an antenna I only got 60 channels which sounds like a lot until you realize about half are in languages I don't understand. But, I managed to find 3 late night westerns, 4 movies I had seen before and didn't care to watch again, a million info commercials and several old shows I threw up watching. I stayed on that channel. I watched the Alfred Hitchcock's mystery shows, or whatever they were called, and a actually enjoyed them more this time around.  So, a couple hours later and another half glass of water and a couple trips to the bathroom I was ready to turn off the TV and try again for the sandman to revisit me but this time keep the hot flashes to himself. 

I slept in a cool slumber for the next 6 hours. Until I started my day with a cold glass of water and an omlet. 

New Relationship

I was just laying in bed wide awake at 4 am starring into the darkness of the room except for the twinkling lights of the Christmas lights that I have on. Yep, Christmas in July. Not really I thought it would be a better and more colorful then an ordinary night light since I now wake up a few times per night in a sweat to get water. I figured I needed some light to light my path a little after I stubbed my toe twice on the bed and door and stepping on leggos and two tiny action figures. It was time for something. 
So, while lying there procrastinating about making the short trip to the kitchen I was thinking about something that happened earlier that blew my mind. I met a guy about 7 years ago. I was just on MySpace when it was popular and we started chatting. He was a lot younger and I never thought we would be more then friends. Just friends. So, over the years we have kept in touch and I have caught up with him and discussed his life and my ever changing life.  Then last week he shocked me and  asked if I had ever thought of dating. Me, in my menopausal state of mind, told him yes if I ever found someone. He laughed. I asked what was so funny. So, he told me he was talking about himself. It was a good thing we weren't video chatting because I think not only did I get hot on my face I am pretty sure I turned three shades of beet red. So, I grabbed a paper towel wiped my face and was totally speechless. I knew he liked older women but I never thought he would be interested in me. A fact he found shocking.

So, after I explained to him again about how my life is so different from 7 years ago, as I was thinking he must have amnesia and forgot all the hot flash and corn chip cravings I told him about. He assured me he remembered. And he was alright with it. And had I forgotten about the movies when he was there with me and I had ten in a row, that's not accurate, but it felt like it, and me and him laughed about it. 

I thought long and hard about this potential relationship and took a sip out of a can of hot, flat sprite on my bedside table and at 9 am when I woke up again I sent him a text. Just one word and I knew we both would be on a new adventure together. 

Random Conversations

Everybody has a story about their life and today while in a waiting a waiting room I heard several. Some were told directly to me and others I overheard mostly from cell phone conversations. It never ceases to amaze me how loudly folks talk on cell phones in public and private. 

I was sitting just waiting for my turn.  One woman was chatting with another about her life. One was probably a decade  older then the other. The story teller was probably mid 50's and had long black shoulder length braids which reminded me of how my mom used to comb my hair when I was young. She only had on light pink lipstick and as far as I could tell no other traces of make up. She sat across from the listener who was from another country and spoke 5 languages fluently and had lived in 3 countries before coming to the United States 10 years ago. Her oldest child was 30 and her youngest 5 years old. I found that fascinating since this woman didn't look a day over 40. So, I thought she must be older then the story teller. I had it wrong. The story teller said she was homeless for a while living on the streets and most people she encountered while living on the streets were not nice people. She told her stories of abuse, rape and how motherhood didn't change her for the better when she had her first baby as a very young adult. She said she had this little one with absolutely no mothering instincts she just wanted her life back the way it was. She was too young and too immature to be a mom but she laid down with someone she hardly knew and a few months later she found out she was pregnant. They married briefly and after a year were divorced. 

The listener chimmed in and said she had 8 kids. Four were grown and four weren't. Her husband left her soon after her last baby was born. She told happy stories about her kids and her country and sad stories too. But, she said she's grateful for her kids and to be a new citizen of the USA. 

The next conversation was between a young mother and a grandmother who was taking care of her 6 month old granddaughter whom she affectionately called Peep. The young mom said she hadn't had a planned pregnancy and her boyfriend figured out she was pregnant before she did. The grandmother found it funny and laughed a hearty laugh that filled the room. The young mom laughed too and went on about how hard raising a baby is but she loved it and her boyfriend proposed to her last week. But, she said she wanted to wait a while before marriage since she's only known him for a year. The grandmother seemed pleased about her decision to wait. The grandmother's name was called and off she went pushing her granddaughter in the huge brown stroller. 

Another woman was fanning herself and said to me she was going through menopause and was trying to get through that hot flash she was having. She flipped a piece of her apple red hair from her face and pulled it back into a ponytail to get it off her neck. She said she was having bad hot flashes all day. I told her I knew exactly how she was feeling. We laughed together and chatted about hot flashes and weight gain and dollar store bought fans which we each have.

Today was a day of conversations. And a day of bonding with strangers. And the best part was there was a cool breeze blowing when I walked outside again. 

Knock on Wood!

I am knocking on wood right about now because to my very happy surprise I haven't had but 1-3 hot flashes during the day for the last week. Usually I have a trillion per day, or it seemed like that.  But its been all good. Although, I still keep my little fan near me at all times and my cold drink glass is never less then half full it does feel good not to have needed them much these 7 days. I have been doing more on my stepper and trying to eat less sugar, OK besides those cupcakes that all the willpower in the world didn't work on. But, at the store yesterday I passed up the cake and doughnut aisles with pride. I got yogert instead.I figured it was a bit healthier and would tame my craving for something sweet. Although, that Carmel popcorn aisle did look pretty good. 

So, on the 4 th  of July while listening to the pop, pop, pop of the illegal neighborhood fireworks and firecrackers half the night and watching from the living room window the legal fireworks show at the marina instead of munching on something like a chocolatey goodness cupcake, I had some yummy strawberry and banana yogert. I was proud of myself. 

A good Day At Last!

I was sitting in my chair just minding my own business waiting for the termite inspectors who the landlord was going to send over to check for termites and feeling pretty good. I was feeling pretty good because all day I was hot flash free. I was shocked but loving it all at the same time. I even compilated wearing something other then a tank top and something with sleeves for a brief second. That was just a fleeting thought though because I knew in a matter of time at some point today my not so friendly flashes would return from their short vacation. 

I was even more pleasantly surprised when the inspector's arrived and inspected for all of 6 minutes and nothing. I was almost ready to do the happy dance. It was a good day. The best day of the month. OK, it is only the first day of the month, but hey, I am just happy it started out good. 

I ate the chocolate doughnut that was the last of my chocolatey goodness for a while. And still I was on top of the moon. Yes, the moon cause the sun is hot. I was smiling all day. I made it all the way up to 7:23 pm without a flash. I had one at 7:24pm. A quick one that didn't last over a few minutes. I cheered for myself silently and got a glass of cold water over ice. It was a good day!